Transforming Fear into Thrival: The Significance of Bold Aim-Setting
Haven't you ever established a target because it seemed right to focus on, or due to external pressure, while deep down, your heart yearned for something different? Or what about those ambitious goals you've been too terrified to pursue? The ones that get sidelined in favor of safer options that you can accomplish but might not offer the fulfillment you'd hope for? What if you stopped settling for less and elevated your goal-setting?
Caroline Adams Miller, MAPP, is the celebrated author of "Big Goals", "Creating Your Best Life" and "Getting Grit." According to Miller, "A big goal" is something significant to you, driven by your passion for pursuing it because it embodies the positive future you strive to attain.
Pursuing ambitious goals, she reveals, can contribute to a flourishing life. "Thousands of studies have shown that a thriving life involves stepping out of one's comfort zone to experience 'mastery' moments that align with our dreams. Chasing difficult and specific goals has been found to yield the best results, fostering authentic self-esteem and confidence. Recent research also suggests that flourishing emotional state precedes success with goals in all aspects of life, as it fosters an optimistic, energetic and wellbeing-focused mindset and behavior, thereby enhancing the likelihood of achieving anything."
Why we fixate on our fears
If fear is preventing you from setting ambitious goals, you’re not alone. Women's Leadership Coach, Speaker and Author of "The Courage Gap: 5 Steps to Braver Action", notes that we should examine the source of our fear. “Fear is innate in us as humans—it's designed to keep us safe. However, our brains have not evolved as rapidly as our environment. As a result, fear often works against us, amplifying our anxiety and encouraging overly cautious behavior that exaggerates perceived dangers and underestimates our capacity to manage them. Yet, fear is not the enemy; it's how we respond to fear that matters.”
She advocates reframing fear as a beneficial ally and catalyst for bold action in our careers and personal lives. Once we realize fear is only a warning signal—not a roadblock—we can redirect our energy towards the prospects that lie beyond it.
Furthermore, the COVID-19 pandemic has influenced our approach to goal-setting and achievement, even if we are unaware of it. "Just as after the Bubonic Plague pandemic in medieval times, when people's lives and work drastically changed due to social upheaval and massive loss of life, our world is experiencing a similar 'Renaissance.' Essential transformation is required as a result of population decline, technological progress and groundbreaking innovations, necessitating the adoption of a growth-oriented mindset of curiosity, patience and sagacity to achieve our goals."
Courageous goal-setting
Unsure if you’re ready to embark on ambitious goals? Rachel Hollis, author of "What If YOU Are the Answer?", remarks, "The strongest indication that you're prepared to advance in your life and career is when you feel content in the position you’ve reached, but it begins to feel stale. You can't help but question... What else am I capable of?”
Don't limit yourself to expectations, Dr. Warrell advises. “Grant yourself freedom to dream... really large. Women often curtail their ambitions by setting their sights on what they believe they ‘should’ achieve instead of what truly inspires them.”
“There are numerous approaches to goal-setting, but if you ask me, excellent goals share three traits,” Hollis shares. “First, a goal must resonate with and have meaning to YOU. Achieving self-improvement is challenging, and you're more likely to realize your goal if it genuinely moves you. Second, a goal should be challenging, yet attainable. If it’s not challenging enough, you won't feel satisfied, and if it’s too challenging, you may succumb to disillusionment and abandon your efforts. Achievable goals are those that inspire 80% certainty of success with effort, which keeps you engaged and motivated to push your boundaries. Lastly, a successful goal-setter will employ a step-by-step approach, breaking goals down into manageable chunks and addressing each one systematically.”
Dr. Warrell encourages asking yourself probing questions, such as "What would I love to accomplish if I knew I couldn’t fail?" or "Ten years from now, what would the most inspiring life look like?"
Then, give valuable consideration to these questions. “Write down your thoughts in as much detail as you can,” she suggests. “And if penning your thoughts makes you feel apprehensive, consider it as a cue that you’re on a promising path. As I wrote in 'The Courage Gap,' sometimes our aspirations are bold because our potential is vast!” The very act of writing something down can provide clarity on the path you need to follow and the initial steps to undertake. You don't necessarily need to see the entire journey; just the next step ahead.
If you're feeling squeamish about working towards your big ambition, that's completely fine, according to Doc Warrell. " "Big objectives often seem intimidating because we concentrate on the entire journey – and on the size of the gap between where we are and where we aspire to be - instead of the initial step right in front of us. To alter your outlook, divide your ambition into smaller, manageable tasks. Focus on advancement, not perfection, and view those uncomfortable feelings as a prompt to push forward, not as a reason to flee. Celebrate milestones along the way and envision how you'll feel once you reach the next one."
Overcoming fear of failure
If you're grappling with fear of failure, ask yourself this: Are you scared of failing at your goal, or are you scared of 'them' witnessing your failure?
"We often believe we lack courage, when in fact, we lack the confidence to confront others' opinions. Ninety-nine percent of individuals, prompted, will admit they're actually just terrified of what others might think of them. Once you see it this way, hopefully, you'll realize how much power you're giving away to others." She encourages pondering what your 90-year-old self would think of you abandoning your dreams due to fear of what a certain person might think. "If 90-year-old-you wouldn't want Pam stopping you from realizing your destiny, then why are you allowing her opinion to control you today?"
If fear of obstacles makes goal-setting seem challenging, change how you perceive those impediments. Mindfully handling setbacks can help you continue to advance, even when things don't go as planned. "Setbacks are an inherent part of any meaningful journey," says Doc Warrell, "but how we respond to them makes all the difference. First, recognize the emotions you're feeling – be it disappointment, frustration, or fear. Offer yourself grace to feel them without judgment while learning any lessons the experience may hold. Then, refocus on what you can control and the next best action. Ask yourself, 'What's the next best move I can make?' Mastering how to fail well is vital to bridging the gap between where you are and where you desire to be. So reevaluate your relationship to failure and every time you do, relabel it as the perfect chance for you to transform into an even more courageous version of yourself."
In her book "Big Goals", Caroline Adams Miller emphasizes that ambitious goals, driven by passion and aligned with your positive future, can contribute to a flourishing life. Such goals can foster authentic self-esteem and confidence, yielding the best results.
Recognizing that fear is a natural human response but often works against us, Rachel Hollis encourages reframing it as an ally and catalyst for bold action in our careers and personal lives. By viewing fear as a warning signal instead of a roadblock, we can redirect our energy towards the prospects that lie beyond it.
