Four primary types of attachment styles exist, each defining a person's emotional bonding patterns:
Discovering the Four Attachment Styles in Romantic Relationships
Learning to navigate the complexities of love can be a daunting task, as some patterns of behavior seem to persist, regardless of the insights gained. If you've found yourself repeatedly drawn to romantic partners who aren't the best choices, you may be dealing with an insecure attachment style.
As a licensed creative arts therapist, author, and educator, I utilize a psycho-spiritual approach to understanding attachment styles, the unique blueprints we use to give and receive love. By understanding these patterns, individuals can break free from self-doubt and attract the passionate, soul-shaking partnerships they desire.
So, what are these four attachment styles? Let's take a closer look:
Attachment Styles Defined
Attachment styles are blueprints formed in childhood and also through adult romantic relationships. They indicate the level of closeness or space an individual desires when it comes to emotional intimacy.
1. Anxious Attachment ("Open Hearts")
Individuals with anxious attachment, also referred to as "Open Hearts," want a lot of closeness in a relationship. They often demonstrate behaviors such as people-pleasing, giving too much, waiting too long for reciprocation, low self-esteem, a belief that love must be earned, and a preference for edgy or challenging partners.
Anxious individuals may find partners who give too much affection boring, while those who are less forthcoming can provoke feelings of worry or concern when things are supposed to be going well. The double-edged sword of generosity may leave them questioning the authenticity of their partner's love, leading to anxiety or self-doubt.
2. Avoidant Attachment ("Rolling Stones")
Individuals with avoidant attachment, known as "Rolling Stones," prefer more space in a relationship. They are sensitive to demands, see generosity as a form of manipulation, avoid commitment, and may struggle with perfectionism and fears of failure.
Rolling Stones may be uncomfortable with the free-flowing affection of their partners and question their ability to make them happy. They often fall rapidly into relationships but become overwhelmed around the three-month mark, focusing on the flaws in the relationship and seeking new stimulation.
3. Disorganized Attachment or Fearful Avoidance ("Spice of Lifers")
Spice of Lifers display a combination of anxious and avoidant behaviors, experiencing intense frustration, confusion, and conflicting emotions. They may have difficulty forming coherent narratives, struggling to trust others and forming deep relationships.
4. Secure Attachment ("Cornerstones")
Secure individuals are comfortable with both closeness and separateness. They assume their partners mean well and are quick to forgive, maintain healthy boundaries, and are confident in their value and worth.
To determine your attachment style, click here to take the quiz.
By understanding these attachment styles, individuals can gain insights into their behavior and learn to cultivate more secure, healthy romantic relationships. If you find yourself struggling to break free from unhealthy patterns, it may be time to explore deeper issues and work towards greater emotional freedom.
- The level of emotional intimacy desired in romantic relationships can be an indicator of an individual's attachment style, formed both in childhood and later in adult relationships.
- Those with anxious attachment, or "Open Hearts," seek a lot of closeness, exhibiting behaviors like people-pleasing, waiting for reciprocation, and doubting the authenticity of their partner's love.
- Avoidant attachment, or "Rolling Stones," prefer more space, are sensitive to demands, and may fall rapidly into relationships, but become overwhelmed around the three-month mark.
- Disorganized attachment, or "Spice of Lifers," shows a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors, struggling with trust, forming deep relationships, and creating coherent narratives.
- Conversely, secure individuals, or "Cornerstones," are comfortable with both closeness and separateness, assuming partners mean well, maintaining healthy boundaries, and being confident in their worth.
- By learning about attachment styles in education-and-self-development and personal-growth, individuals can gain insights into their behavior, fostering secure and healthy romantic relationships.
- Living a lifestyle geared towards understanding and overcoming insecure attachment styles can help break free from unhealthy patterns and promote personal growth, leading to passionate, soul-shaking partnerships.
